‘Piss Heaven’ on the Coast of Sardine

After singing the praises of Barcelona… I figured it was time to have a more sober look and at this town… time to dig up some dirt and explore the darker side.

After circling Barcelona’s centre several times, you quickly begin to realize one undeniable fact – the place really ‘stinks’. Besides the odd pile of dog shit scattered around, almost every alleyway is more or less a public toilet. Within almost a 50m radius you’ll regularly experience that all too familiar waft of urinal acidity. If you’re unfortunate (as I was) and step into a yellow puddle, you’ll most certainly receive a generous dose of nastiness across your toes. Now I’m aware that most cities have this problem, but in my limited experience, this place is definitely the worst, except for (in parts) Paris, which has way more doggy-doo per square foot – I guess the french really love their poodles.

Now obviously Barcelona’s a great summer city, everything is vibirant & passionate -blah-lah-lah, but also it can get insanely crowded. Sometimes when you stop on the ‘Las Ramblas’ (the main corso) you realize the volume of human traffic is semi-ridiculous. Depending on where you’re walking, traveling can end up being reduced to a slow shuffle, which considering the chronic urine issue, can become pretty nasty. If its “one night in Bangkok and the world’s your oyster” – here it’s your “toilet”. Enough said.

Moving right along, one of the assumed pluses of Barcelona is its proximity to the coast. Who doesn’t love the sea air? And who doesn’t love the beach? – no one it would seem. But if you think the crowds are hectic in the streets – just wait until you visit the coast. Growing up in Australia, you get pretty spoiled when it comes to beaches – but if you travel, you get to understand how truly privileged you are. Now in Barcelona’s, it’s probably fair to describe the beaches as beige colored strips that resemble a sandy looking substance. At a guesstimate I’d call them 20-25 m deep – max. If you plonk several thousand Spaniards & tourists on top of it, you obviously won’t find much vacant space – in fact none. As I approached the beach it was pretty wild. Just walking to the water’s edge was an ordeal, as it was almost impossible not to bump or trip on someone. It was easily the most crowded beach I’d ever seen and something I’d rather not experience again – ever. Now to be fair, there was one saving grace and I’m sure you’ve already guessed it – two words: ‘eye candy‘. The visual stimulation on this stretch of coast is the full Latin soft-porn experience. With copious amounts of tanned flesh, posturing its way through a human procession of sex and sun, your eyes can stay pretty busy. This isn’t to say there wasn’t also the odd crocodile or toad sporting their less than flattering attire – but if you had a discerning eye, it was a total perve’s paradise.

Basically Barcelona is a crazy place to visit during summer and if you’re looking for a lively,  bustling scene, you definitely find it here. But just be warned – ‘cleanliness’ is definitely ‘not’ next to ‘Godliness’ in this town kabron!

*Special note: Barcelona’s beaches can occasionally have ridable surf between Oct-Mar. It’s surfing history began sometime during the 80′s. Check out this link for a more detailed data:
http://www.driftsurfing.eu/index.php/archives/3807